you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
