Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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