Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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