I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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