I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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