just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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