How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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