He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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