dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
