dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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