My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
