i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
