I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
