so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
