No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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