How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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