So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
