Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
