Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
