Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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