I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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