my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
