I haven't been this sober since birth.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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