i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
