He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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