I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
