I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
