It's like God shit irony all over that family
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
