i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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