I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
