I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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