Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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