you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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