did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We just shotgunned beers for America
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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