I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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