The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
