Four minutes until I can fart!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Houston, we have a blender
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
