New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
