Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
