I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Who died my cat blue again?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
