The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
