My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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