I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
