Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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