I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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