My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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