So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
