I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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