On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
