i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
