her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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