playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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