Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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