booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
