so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
