ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
