Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
i can feel colors
Randomize
