porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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