The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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