I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
