I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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