why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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