Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
