Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...