so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
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Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
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I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.