you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hippo gnu deer
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill