you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...