I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.