We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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