You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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