so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
