i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
