'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
