gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
