I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
