I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
