my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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