Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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