dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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