So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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