Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize