Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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